Ten out of the ordinary blessings we take for granted
"The feeling when you’re having a conversation with someone, and you think to yourself, 'I love this person so much I would die for them.' And the blessing is the praise that follows: 'Thank God there is someone I love this much.'"
REFLECTIONS
Petals & Thorns was born from heartache and an undercurrent of rage–the desire for vengeance by spilling my guts publicly and forcing particular someones to confront the consequences of their hurting me. My writing has often been inspired by a desire to be heard by those who no longer listen. The louder their nonresponse, the louder my screams. Anger, therefore, is inspiration; heartbreak, a necessity.
I write when I long for things that I know will forever remain a daydream. On paper, imagination soars when we know reality is unyielding to our desires for reciprocated love and affection. I also write in response to the things that leave me biting my nails and crying my eyes out–the things that carve hallows in my chest and drown them with overflowing grief.
But lately, it’s been harder forming coherent sentences, let alone an entire essay. It’s not that anger and heartbreak have vanished. After all, how can one not grow livid or horrified witnessing the state of the world and the perpetual abuse of power? Yet, I feel a foreign, nauseating sense of glee emerging as if girlhood were mine to have again. I haven’t written anything since September. And it’s not that I haven’t tried; life has been too teasingly good in the sense that there’s no silly boy overflowing me with affection just to take it back with no explanation, and there’s no one leaving me at my desk for hours, writing poems and essays about why it’d all work out if I were just given one fair chance.
Writing from joy? This is rather new. Yet every morning, I wake up and there is a roof over my head, consciousness in my body, and a chance to realize the things we often take for granted might actually be out of the ordinary blessings, when and only when we choose to realize it.
Ten out of the ordinary blessings:
The way your body feels from a deep, caring hug. To feel someone else’s warmth and know that no matter how crappy your day was, or how heavy the burdens of life are, that you have breath in your lungs, and so does the person in your arms. It’s the blessing of hearing your hearts beat in unison, or your own heartbeat accelerating at their touch. It’s realizing our bodies are magical things that have emotions of their own.
The moment when you’re talking to someone, and you realize that you could both be doing utterly different things with your time, yet you both chose to engage in conversation, to open your hearts and connect over ideas, opinions, thoughts, and emotions. How special it is to meet people who choose to connect with you. How healing it is to know they make your body feel safe again.
The recalibration of your priorities when you look at the night sky and realize how small and irrelevant you are. How your dreams, worries, goals, and achievements mean nothing in the grand scheme of things. And the blessing when that realization brings a deep sense of peace and desire to spend time with those you love, to speak your mind fearlessly, and to take leaps of faith, rather than to sink into despair or attempt to create self-importance.
The funny moment when you look into the mirror and think about how peculiar our bodies are. How human beings have two arms, each with five fingers at the end. How we have a belly button, a butt, collarbones, nails. The blessing of curiosity as we return to a beginner’s mindset, finding every body part precious, interesting, majestic. That rare moment when we decide to say something kind to the body that does everything and anything it can to keep us alive.
The moment when you’re about to fall apart because someone has exited your life and you’re terrified of being forgotten, but you remember no person ever becomes a stranger again. That we are all beings in the world with emotions and memory, and we leave each person’s life different than before we entered it. It’s the blessing of knowing that some people were never meant to be kept, yet the connection was necessary for you to play your role in their life, and vice versa.
The feeling when you’re having a conversation with someone, and you think to yourself, “I love this person so much I would die for them.” How they don't need to achieve or prove anything, and you will still love them so much your heart aches. And the blessing is the praise that follows: “Thank God there is someone I love this much.”
The sound of a song that eases you from the pressures of life, moves you into action, or taps into an emotion you’re too afraid to confront. The lyrics written by someone with a vastly different life, and the realization that you can still relate. It’s the reminder that we will always be more similar than we are different. And through one song, the truth is ingrained that we’re truly never alone.
The moment when you are laughing so hard no sound comes out of you anymore, and you’re on your knees, holding onto your stomach because it hurts so much. It’s the blessing of having people in your life who keep you young and childlike even when the world is on fire and everyday, we only step closer towards the grave.
The miraculous and bountiful gifts of kindness, which teach us that kindness–the difficult and exhausting thing it is–is always the better choice. That when we embrace an abundance mindset rather than succumbing to the fear of lack, that is when we are truly rich. How it is our mindsets that set the poor free and keep the rich forever in chains. How this means that we each have immense power over our thoughts and the beliefs by which we live our lives.
And finally, it’s the moment when you realize you haven’t been writing because your heart is no longer broken and there are no daydreams that can beat the reality. It’s the realization that you can be absolutely present, that the present is all that is ever guaranteed. It’s the feeling of your nervous system calming in someone’s presence. It’s when longings for an unlikely future and heartbreak over a disappointing past fade when everything that you want–who you want–is less than a foot away. You don’t need pen and paper because you get to take everything in with your being instead. And when your mind creates problems because it is not used to such peace, you take a deep breath and feel the heart in your chest and the air in your lungs and remember that this present moment is the one you had always been waiting for.
Send this essay to someone who is good for your nervous system! 😝